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So this is the first of what I hope will be a weekly update, bringing you rant upon rant till you'll probably block me out of sheer annoyance. But in the meantime, you are more than welcome to read. If it's boring you should tell me ok? You are MEANT to tell me lest you wish to have Veritaserum trickling down your throats. ;)

So to start off guys, let me tell you that yes I am the Catholic type, one of those who goes to mass on weekends, believes in Christian values and all that jazz. However I must also make it perfectly clear that I'm not a devout Christian either, that means that during mass the priest might just smite me and call me a sinner because I'll be shifting in my seat upon subjects like divorce. That's going to be my job, or so I hope, and while I do not wish to promote the idea of breaking marriages you can't expect me to take up a profession I don't believe in. But I digress...

So, there I was yesterday...I know I know the priest was no Conan O'Brien but I would have traded 5 hours of speech to run away from the horrible sound the guy next to me was emanating - basically if you've ever heard someone taking in mucus in their nose all the time, you should know what I'm on about.

But let's start very simply...what does it mean to behave? Basically dictionary.com tells us that it's to conduct or comport (oneself) in a proper manner. Fair enough, but proper manner? Hmm...that's where the question lies.

Surely it must include all the people coming in late. And no I'm not referring to women with very small children or people who arrive, say, 5 minutes late. No I'm talking about those who literally come in 25 minutes late. I can imagine the scenario at home:

Man: "Honey what is the sermon going to be on today?"
Woman: "How we're all sinners darling and we'll go and burn in the neverending pits of hell."
Man: "Ah bullshit! I'll just skip that and go in time for Consacration. United are about to be given a penalty..."

Devout Christians indeed...

Then there are the I-came-here-because-my-mum-says-so type. Basically this includes the younger generation. And believe me, being a part of it, I guess I do know what it means having to stay there listening to a wizened priest talking of how we must all be good little kids who follow our religion to the dot. However I pay attention, obliterating the fact that in the exact moment I was leaving, the guy I like came online to talk to me, or that my favourite show came on TV. Sacrifices have to be done. But why are sacrifices necessary with today's technology you make ask? Ah but of course, mobile phones were invented for a reason, and I can very easily tune in to my show anyway. Ingenious isn't it? *hint hint* This is why we have to sit for Systems of Knowledge twice weekly you see? But there's nothing interesting on TV! Poo on them! *makes mental note to tell off phone company for providing crappy service* In the meantime - snog time! Now this really takes the annoyed out of annoying for me. Because you know I understand you don't have a car, and you're obeying mommy by going to mass anyway(2 in 1!) and it gets hot in summer, your girlfriend right next to you, nobody's looking(why should they? Such innocent creatures as you!) so really - just go ahead!

What else beats the life out of me you may ask? I ask you back: Is that a rhetorical question? Because you're not being funny.

Ah yes because there's still to mention the talking. Oh God oh God. Don't you just LOVE it? Everyone's talking, everyone's saying the same, unless of course Riccardo (your little puccu) phones you up at that instant (it had to be consacration ey) and you exit the church to the ring tone of "Sex Bomb". But what has always striken me as funny is when they announce who died this week. Because as soon as they name X or Y you hear a sudden earthquake of murmurs and you'd think said person had caused the biggest scandle since Bush's birth. And in the final five minutes of mass you can hear all of the horrible stuff X or Y did, all the drama, all the scandal, but in the end, poor souls, God should welcome them in his kingdom. We're all perfect saints after all.

As a matter of fact we're all PRIESTS. Yes even you arching your eyebrow at the moment. That is, you are if you have the habit of reciting the lines with him. That's just wrong. There's always a person reciting the lines we should say on the altar, but nooo why bother? Let's all just say the whole thing from beginning to end because what the hell? We have authority! We have power! This is a democracy, I'm free to do as I please, and we don't need no education w00t!

And after that hour long procession(was it an hour? I had so much fun! I beat my ultimate highscore for Bantumi!") we all exit(obviously before we're due or else all the pastry will be gone from the confectionary) and go back to our respective homes, talking of what an interesting sermon it was indeed, and of how X's and Y's relatives have clearly been left with no money at all for X and Y gave all their wealth to charity. Shame on them!

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And c'est finito. I do hope I didn't offend anyone, seriously it's not my intention. You are more than welcome to comment, in favour, against, I don't mind at all. You may call me a crazy hag for all I care. Also con-crit is especially more than welcome. I want to improve my writing. This is mainly the reason why I'm writing this stuff. So please, bring on the comments! :) Take care all!


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 27th, 2006 06:25 pm (UTC)
Woah interesting this ranting thing. :) And I like your way of tackling this. XD

I admit that I have stopped going to Mass a long time ago, because I didn't feel like acting the "hypocrite" anymore. I mean... I don't reject my religion, I respect everyone's belief, I believe there's God and I have no intention on switching to another religion (duh, I better think of a way how to get more into my own religion than going to another one ^^). Just... I don't feel like "practicing" it. I'd much prefer to say a little prayer in my own words then participate in church seriously. I don't know if this makes any sense at all, but I'll always think like that... well maybe until I'll end up in some mystical crisis and become a devoted. :D

But I agree with what's you've written. People just go to church to "mark present" sorta. And... "ghall-ghajn in-nies", I don't know how to say it in English. :D
Just one question... is that "snogging" part true? ._. Ugh I can't believe...snogging in church?!

Lol I just remembered about the times when I used to go to church.
Me: *singing* "Hallelujah... Hallelujah..." *mind wanders off, eyes all over the place* "Ohh nice golden ceiling... hmm nice paintings on the wall... hmm.."
Nov. 27th, 2006 06:47 pm (UTC)
Yeayness! I'm glad you liked it! :D

Sometimes I get that feeling too, like why bother going when I'm a clear sinner? But I can't not go; something deep down inside(definately not affected by what others think; personally I just don't give a damn of what the rest of the community thinks of my religious beliefs) pushes me to do so and in the end(save for all that I mentioned above) it's not a bad thing really.

And yes the snogging part is indeed true. Generally it's in the 12PM-ish or 11AM-ish masses which are generally filled with teenagers. Last time the priest was complaining about it in fact. XD

Haha that used to happen to me too, until I realised that people would generally stare to see my head arched in a way to look at the bit of ceiling directly above me. XD But heck it's art, and any art falls under "awesome" in my book.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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